Audrey Assad – Doubt becomes wonder

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We all feel lost sometimes. It can happen when we lose a loved one, experience an illness, or process a tragedy in our communities. And sometimes, it’s more like a slow, quiet unraveling of certainty that brings us to the end of everything we thought we knew and leaves us questioning everything we’ve believed. Uncertainty is a scary place for sure, but hope is never completely lost. Just ask Audrey Assad.

For the past several years, the award-winning singer songwriter has been forging her independent path through the music world, creating compelling, reverent worship albums. On social media, she offers a funny, honest, and thoughtful presence, speaking with wit and grace about faith, motherhood, and making sense of a crazy world. But on her latest album Evergreen (Fortunate Fall/Tone Tree, Feb. 23, 2018—buy), she focuses on finding the words to speak about a personal crisis of faith and the slow, fumbling steps toward healing.

“Doubt becomes wonder,” she sings on the title track. “The tree of life is evergreen.” That evergreen hope has sustained her in difficulty, and continues to do the work of healing… with a little help from wise writers, self-care, and loving community.

We had a chance to talk to Audrey about her journey to Evergreen, courage in the midst of doubt, and ways we can all love each other better in difficult times…

CCM Magazine: Your life has taken quite a journey between your last album of fully original songs, 2013’s Fortunate Fall, and your new release Evergreen. You’ve talked about going through a time of serious questioning and deconstruction of faith. What were those years like for you?
Audrey Assad: I am still in it! Although now that I’ve been walking through this process for about four years, I know that the “deconstruction” has in actuality been sort of a reconstruction all along. It was really necessary (albeit excruciating) for me to tear down some pretty rotten old trees in my heart’s garden in order to till the soil for new life. The deconstruction and reconstruction have all been one process in a manner of speaking. There was a lot of anxiety along the way because so much of my personal religious practice was built on how I believed others perceived me and my ideas. The best thing about all of this, aside from letting go of some pretty bad ideas about God, has been learning to let go of the opinions of other people, even as I seek to remain as part of the community.