Audrey Assad – Doubt becomes wonder

CCM: How did making your hymns record Inheritance play into this experience? Was recording older songs helpful or grounding in a way?
AA: I made Inheritance (buy) right when I was ascending the peak of my anxiety. I hadn’t really written any new worship music in over a year, with the exception of “Even Unto Death,” and I couldn’t find any words of my own to pray. It was definitely a cathartic experience in a strange way to sing the hymns of my youth, even as I felt that I wasn’t sure what I believed anymore. Something about connecting to some pretty ancient songs (“Ubi Caritas,” for one) felt like connecting to God. I’m grateful I got to make the album and I truly believe that my spiritual state at the time is a large part of what made it a record worth listening to in a sea of hymns albums.

CCM: So here we are at Evergreen. Christian music tends to talk about struggles after the fact… are your new songs that kind of statement, like “here’s this thing I went through and it’s done?” Or are they about taking another step in an ongoing process?
AA: I think if you look at the songs as a whole they depict me as being very much in process, but with a hope that I didn’t have three years ago. I will probably never feel the type of certitude I used to long for, about much of anything… but I can still follow Jesus and hope in Jesus, even if I don’t feel totally certain of Jesus. That’s where I am now. It isn’t done, but it’s different than it was.

CCM: Is there a song on Evergreen that’s most special for you?
AA: There are a few—can I name a few? “Evergreen” (the title track) is the first song I wrote specifically for this project and sums up the journey I am on better than I could explain it outside of music. The sections of the song switch back and forth from 4/4 to 7/8 and that, to me, reflects the feeling of being off balance, even while the music never gets too discordant. It’s a musical metaphor for where I am heading spiritually.

photo: Christina Lafferty

Another favorite is “Teresa,” which I actually wrote in 2009 about Mother Teresa after her letters were released to the public and she was revealed to have been deprived of sensing the presence of God for many, many years. I need this song today more than I did when I wrote it. Lastly, “Wounded Healer” is a favorite of mine because it reflects the way I see Christ now—not as a course change for God, but as the revelation of who God has always been.

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